What is the Attitude of Media to Divorce and how is Divorce Reported in Nigerian Media?

It is impossible to discuss the concept of divorce without first gaining a proper understanding of what marriage is. Scholars have argued as to whether the institution of marriage is a status or a contract (Janet Halley, 2010; Joseph William Singer, 2005; William Eskridge, 2004). However, in a bid to avoid the complexities that come with this debate, we will take the simple definition offered by the Merriam Webster dictionary as “the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law” (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/marriage). This definition has its limitations when subjected to a rigorous argument as what constitute marriage in modern time has transcended the union of opposite sex as seen in most western countries where marriage can now be contracted between people of same sex and even human and animals. Divorce on the other hand has been defined as “a judicial declaration dissolving a marriage in whole or in part, especially one that releases the marriage partners from all matrimonial obligations.” or, put simply, a “… formal separation of husband and wife according to established custom.” (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/divorce). In other words, divorce is the official termination of one’s marriage usually as a result of irreconcilable differences.

Different theories have been proposed to enhance our understanding of the concept of divorce. Some of these are: The Indissolubility of Marriage Theory which is where the marriage is deemed eternal and irreversible once entered into i.e. no matter what happens, the parties involved cannot get out of the relationship.

(http://shodhganga.inflibnet.ac.in/bitstream/10603/39005/12/12_chapter%204.pdf)

Divorce at Will Theory: Common amongst the religion of Islam, one may divorce his wife without proposing any grounds for the dissolution of this marriage given that he is of sound mind regardless of the other parties take on the turn of events. (http://shodhganga.inflibnet.ac.in/bitstream/10603/39005/12/12_chapter%204.pdf)

Fault/guilt/offence Theory: According to this theory, one party within the marriage must have committed a terrible offence against the institution of marriage and the other party was expected to be completely innocent of any fault for the dissolution to be granted. (http://shodhganga.inflibnet.ac.in/bitstream/10603/39005/12/12_chapter%204.pdf)

Frustration of Marriage Theory: While neither party may have committed any marital offence, the marriage may be frustrated for a number of reasons and therefore must be dissolved. Examples of some factors according to this theory are “mental unsoundness, religious reform, disappearance” etc. (http://shodhganga.inflibnet.ac.in/bitstream/10603/39005/12/12_chapter%204.pdf)

Consent Theory of Divorce: This theory stated that once both parties within a marriage have consented to divorce, since they are the ones who have to live with it, they should be permitted to do so. (http://shodhganga.inflibnet.ac.in/bitstream/10603/39005/12/12_chapter%204.pdf)

Over time, the general public has become more accepting of divorce than would have been the case in past times therefore we see a shift from what would have typically been an Indissolubility of Marriage theory down the spectrum to the Consent Theory. Using the United States as a case study, a study which was carried out shows that the majority of respondents felt that compared to

the past, divorce is now more acceptable.

This shift is reflected in the attitude of the media to divorce. Firstly, in the manner and frequency at which the topic of divorce is displayed all around us ranging from family to more adult movies. Movies like Mrs. Doubtfire and The Parent Trap cater to the younger generation and introduce the topic of divorce in a light hearted and more approachable manner to movies like Diary of a Mad Black Woman which depicts the uglier side of divorce and is more suited to the more mature mind. Any way we choose to look at it, divorce is no longer seen as a sensitive topic especially in the eyes of the media. This observation is buttressed by an article by Brette Sember where she highlighted that “If you have children ages eight and up, they probably see a lot about divorce on TV”. She advised that in situations where children are being exposed to ugly cases of divorce on TV, instead of allowing their minds be molded in the way the media will eventually cause, you should shield them by controlling what they watch. This is however easier for younger children, when dealing with children almost in their teens, it is not as easy to control what they read or in fact see on TV and online. To this she advises “If your child sees media reports or reads online about a celebrity divorce or custody case, don't ignore it. Bring the subject up.” (Brette Sember). Discussing it helps the child put it in perspective and form their own ideologies around divorce.

Secondly, there is a very strong link between media, specifically social media and increasing divorce rates. The increasing introduction of new social media platforms and, heavy usage, even without studies, we find causes difficulties and misunderstandings in relationships between couples. It is easier for spouses to keep in touch with former love interests and reignite flames from the past “…social media makes it possible for users to reconnect with others, including past lovers, which could lead to emotional and physical cheating” (Clayton, 2013) thus leading to a higher possibility of inappropriate discussions, feelings of jealousy from spouses, suspiciousness, physically acting on those inappropriate discussions, snooping around which “…fifty-eight percent of” married couples “polled” admitted to knowing “their partner's passwords, even if their spouse was unaware of it.” (Wong, 2015). It is obvious that these behavioral traits will potentially lead to problems within the relationship and possibly divorce. This is reiterated in a study carried out by Brittany Wong on a sample of 2000 British married couples, where “One in seven people said they'd considered divorce because of their spouses' questionable activity on Facebook, Skype, Snapchat, Twitter or WhatsApp” (Wong, 2015). Feeding into the points above is a study carried out by Russel Clayton in 2013 where he proposed and found that higher than usual “…social media use and monitoring of one's partner could lead to misunderstandings and feelings of jealousy” (Clayton, 2013). The study noted “a strong correlation between Facebook use and relationship stability”… a correlation which the theorists proposed stemmed from “…jealousy and arguments about past partners related to social media snooping.” (Clayton, 2013). All the evidence presented establishes a causal relationship between (social) media and divorce. In addition to this, print media such as gossip magazines could lead to similar problems as those highlighted above where speculations by the paparazzi lead to feelings of insecurity and call to the light what would otherwise have been sleeping dogs. Some examples of such situations can be seen in the cover stories illustrated below. In some cases, if handled privately, divorce may not necessarily be the outcome of trying times for couples. However, it is made public by media and reported frivolously making a spectacle of the situation and leading the possibly offended spouse, in a bid to manage his/ her reputation, taking the most drastic step being divorce which he/ she may feel is the appropriate punishment for the offence.

The infamous 72 day marriage between popular reality TV star Kin Kardashian and Kris Humphreys and that of Kris and Bruce Jenner. Below is a depiction of how lightly the media takes divorce as they have reported perfectly happy couples as divorcees:

Moving closer to home, within the culture of Africa in general and Nigeria specifically, divorce was frowned upon and seen almost as an abomination as the institution of marriage was held in the highest regards and not something to be taken lightly. Divorce was just not an option. Fast-forward to the 21^st century, what we have seen develop is more of a liberal attitude towards divorce and the question as to why this is must be asked. We find that a lot of our youth who have been exposed to more westernized cultures tend to be more opinionated and less accommodating of traditional values held in the highest regard in generations past and fortunately or unfortunately, the institution of marriage is one of them “…In traditional societies, the norms even tend to exalt the institution of marriage, even in polygamies, while discouraging divorce. Observers, however, say that in the contemporary world, divorce cases are becoming rampant, as couples usually troop to courts, pressing for the dissolution of their marriages.” (Naomi Sharang, NAN; 2015). We see from this quote that polygamy was considered more of an option than divorce. Situations such as polygamy which are legally prohibited may automatically lead to a divorce in westernized societies i.e. since within the context of marriage, the law permits you to only one partner at a time, you must divorce one in order to marry your new love interest.

Since “…divorce grounds vary significantly from country to country” (Janet Halley. 2010, p.2), it is pertinent to understand legitimate grounds for divorce in as simple a format as possible. E.g. a stated above polygamy is permitted in some parts of Africa and therefore may in fact reduce the need to divorce ones partner for a new love interest however, where it is not permitted, a divorce is necessary.  Grounds for divorce can be on a “Fault” or “No- fault” basis. A no fault divorce is the most common form and basically means that both parties within the marriage have irresolvable differences and are at a point where the marriage can no longer carry on. A fault divorce on the other hand implies that the individual filing for the divorce is doing so as a result of the other parties’ actions i.e. one party has actively done something to cause the dissolution of the marriage (Lina Guillen, 2016). Fault divorce can then be as a result of but not limited to “adultery, abandonment, substance, abuse, and a felony conviction.” (Lina Guillen, 2016). From a religious stand point, divorce is permitted where sexual immorality i.e. adultery, is the cause (http://biblehub.com/matthew/19-9.htm). Though it is not always the most popular option, forgiveness is preferred.

Speaking on divorce in Africa, it is important to discuss if what we have labelled culture is truly that or a result of circumstances. It is common knowledge that in the past women were solely dependent on their partners as a source of their livelihood and that of their children therefore, regardless of how poorly they were being treated or how unhappy they were in their marriages, when all options are weighed, they would end up staying in the marriage. In an article by Atoke (2016) she reiterates this point stating “…traditional marriage ceremonies in Yoruba culture come with a stern warning to daughters “Once you go, you can’t come back here”. – To encourage long and healthy marriages. Give it your best and give it some more.”  In this new age where women are more educated and therefore have more employable skills, they are more likely to get a stable source of income and as a result have the ability to implement what they feel is the most appropriate penalty for misconduct in a marriage without the woman paying too steep a price. So this poses the question as to whether the historically lower divorce rates were as a result of culture or just circumstances. Atoke goes on to point out that the culture which builds a stigma towards divorce is “killing us”. She states that life happens and one should not be held responsible for a change in heart purely to keep those around them happy while they are miserable in their marriages. “The culture of expecting you to stay in a marriage is based on the unrealistic premise that life is full of absolutes. If you buy this bottle of perfume, you must be absolutely sure that you want it. No, you’re not allowed to develop allergies.” (Atoke, 2016).

On a related topic, where children are involved, even where the parents are no longer happy, they try to stay together for as long as possible to give the children a close to normal upbringing. When the children are old enough, usually post- university, we find that some parents find it easier to separate.

Religion has a very big part to play in divorce particularly the religion of Christianity. One may say that when all logical reasons to stay with one’s spouse proves dormant, ones faith will be a last resort especially since  it is clearly stated in the bible that God “hates” divorce. It is recorded in the sixteenth verse of the second chapter of the book of Malachi “I hate divorce,” says the God of Israel. God-of-the-Angel-Armies says, “I hate the violent dismembering of the ‘one flesh’ of marriage.” So watch yourselves. Don’t let your guard down. Don’t cheat.”” (Malachi 2:16 MSG). This is further reiterated by Naomi Sharang of the News Agency of Nigeria where she states “Christian and Islamic tenets emphasize the sanctity of marriage and frown at divorce, barring extreme situations” (2015).  The country of Nigeria is particularly religious and Christians look to their religious leaders for guidance through most life decisions. In recent times however, religious leaders have been involved in the dissolution of marriages which have been made public by the media especially blogs. It is not farfetched to say that if a person who is meant to serve as a vessel unto Godliness and an embodiment of the principles of Christianity, can find it within him/herself to divorce their spouse, the mind of the general public will not find room to accommodate the notion of divorce.

It is clear to see that divorce is no longer a last resort but a very viable option today. The media, especially social media which at the click of a button publicizes what is a very sensitive topic to the parties involved in divorce has largely contributed to making light of divorce. Research has also revealed that media does not only report divorce lightly, it is also a contributing factor to divorce as partners can easily find out what their significant other is up to. (sociologyexchange.co.uk).

The issue with contributing factors to divorce is that the more effective they are, the higher the chances that couples will get divorced. Divorcees will most likely try their luck at love again however, research by Statista.com shows that the more times one gets a divorce, the more likely they are to get divorces in subsequent marriages:

In playing the blame game it is important to note that media is neither the sole nor necessarily the biggest contributor to divorce. Factors such as woman empowerment, legal coverage, secularization, changes in attitudes etc. are other very strong influencers. However, there is no smoke without fire, therefore if couples stay faithful to each other, the media will most likely have less to report and play less of a contributory role to divorce. In conclusion, it is important to note that despite the above discussions, divorce is not always harmful therefore, the attitude of Nigerians must change and accommodate what may be necessary. E.g. Linda Ikejis Blog on almost a daily basis, reports cases of domestic violence which are fatal in some cases. Therefore, in situations where physical and/ or indeed emotional abuse is involved, rather than treating marriage as a “do or die” affair Atoke so accurately states that “Life happens. It is an incontrovertible truth that we need to remember as we perpetuate certain harmful cultural practices and nuances” (Atoke, 2016). Therefore, without media, logic may be the highest contributor to dissolving a marriage.

References

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